Pulled Into Letting Go

Monday, October 3, 2022

THE BEAUTIFUL TRUTH ABOUT US ALL

This morning's workout was difficult, emotionally. I went into the gym ready to cry. My self-talk was not nice this morning. Then, I had a rough time getting the machine to my settings. I looked around, and I was the youngest person there by at least 20 years. I felt so defeated. All the old people were thin and looked more fit. Instead of reminding myself that I will achieve my goals with hard work, I just felt defeated and stared at my fat belly in the mirror as I lifted a mere twenty pounds over my head ten times, arms shaking under the minuscule weight. Do you see? I’m doing it now. I have a defeatist attitude when it comes to losing weight and getting fit.

It’s really difficult for me to remain optimistic until I see some big results. That’s a tough aspect of being an action-oriented person, as people with this personality type want to see results all the time as a means of feeling accomplished. Add to that, I am not a very patient person, and it begins to make some sense as to why I felt defeated this morning.

Healing from abuse is similar to working out in a gym. The full benefits will not come the moment you ask for help. It takes time to develop stamina, strength, and fitness. Some days will be a rest day and you’ll need to sit with big feelings, taking it easy. Some days will be big victory days, where you use every emotional muscle you possess. Those days you may be in court or talking with a counselor, lawyer, or social worker. In the end, you’ll likely feel spent and need to rejuvenate. Not every day is going to be a big banner victory day, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t all count towards something bigger and better!

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death. Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. -James 1:12-18

The more we focus on what our mind, body, and soul need to be healthy, the more we fast-track our healing. We need Jesus for salvation, strength, wisdom, discernment, love, mercy…you name it. We need Him for it. We need time in our Bible to hear Him through the reading of the Word. We need time in church for learning through the sermons, worship through song, and fellowship with other Christians. We need an uncluttered home for peace of mind.

Exercise can help us clear our minds, become fit, and boost our serotonin, which boosts our mood. Sleep provides rest and rejuvenation. Showers and baths cleanse us, rejuvenate us, and relax us. Hobbies provide an outlet for our creativity. We certainly need healthy food for fuel. Sometimes we need therapy and medication to balance the chemicals in our minds and bodies. Always, we need water to hydrate. And so on.

I’m sure you can think of several things in your life that you rely on for peace of mind and better health. There have been seasons in my life when I relied on a checklist of these things to make sure I was taking care of myself. That was part of my healing journey and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Maybe at some point, you have or will need this, too?

Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul. 3 John 1:2

Self-talk is an important skill to hone. I’m finding that it requires a lot of practice, diligence, and discernment. What I mean by this is that it won’t come easily. John 10:10 tells us that “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life and have it in abundance.” Satan is a prowling lion, a hissing snake, and The Prince of Lies. He loves to tell us lie after lie about ourselves. Being gaslit by Satan is nothing new. It’s been going on since the dawn of time.

Fighting back takes perseverance, diligence, and discernment. What are the lies? Anything that is in direct contradiction with the Word of God. You should know that you were made with a purpose (Jeremiah 29:11), you are cherished (Jeremiah 31:3), and nothing can separate us from His love (Romans 8:38-39). Self-talk requires you to speak truth over yourself, whether through thought or spoken out loud.

Take a long look at yourself in the mirror and notice all the beautiful features on your face. Look at your irises (the colored part of your eyes). See the unique designs within? God created them with a purpose. He is delighted by them. Look at your cute nose, your mouth, your cheeks. Look at the way your ears are purposefully placed on your head. What an absolute work of art you are! There is no one quite like you. God knit you together lovingly and placed you here on this earth with a purpose.

Let the king be enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord. -Psalm 45:11

Let’s take it a step further. Learn to be okay with your beauty. It’s okay if you’d like to change some things, like lose a few pounds, chop a few inches off your hair, or pierce your nose. Those are not inherently sinful things, and they don’t change the beauty of who you are today. You can love yourself right here at this moment for exactly who you are, and you can continue to love yourself as you make the changes. Make no mistake, though. The changes you make do not add to, nor do they subtract your value in any way, no matter what the world says. The only word that matters in this case, is God’s Word.

The grass withers, the flower fades, But the word of our God stands forever. -Isaiah 40:8

Glasses say "Psalm 23:6" on the side

Does my value decrease because I look like a goofball?
No! I am still beautiful.

Stay tuned for another episode. I aim to crank out the blog posts three times a week on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. See you next time! And remember, if you or a loved one is in danger, get help right away, and don't stop talking until someone acts on what you're saying.

National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800-799-7233 Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish, and 200+ through interpretation service. SMS: Text START to 88788

National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 Hours: Available 24 hours. https://www.rainn.org/

988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish. https://988lifeline.org/

In Christ alone our hope is found

Run, don't walk for help! You're worth it.

Friday, September 30, 2022

UNCONDITIONALLY

He never stood a chance. They hated him before he was even born. Already a burden, he was fighting for survival in the womb. Neither of his parents had ever felt real love – had ever known it. Sure, they’d heard whispers of it in church on Sundays when they’d bothered to go, but they didn’t have any real knowledge of it themselves. To them, love was a myth – a money maker. Something Hollywood used to sell movie tickets. No one had this thing called “unconditional love” did they?

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but so that the world might be saved through him.” -John 3:16-17

Christ died so that all may be saved. So that our sins would be atoned for because we are unable to do so ourselves. His love is perfect, everlasting love. He died knowing we had sinned, are sinning now, and will continue to sin. He died for those who placed Him on the cross, and for those who would make that decision again, if they had the opportunity. At the very moment He died, your name and mine were on His heart. He died for us because He loves us so deeply, so unconditionally. Yes, some of us do know His unconditional love and it’s not a myth. It’s a love that changes us drastically, from the inside out.

“Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.” – Psalm 51:7

God’s love carries us through all the moments of our lives. Tonight, as I write this, my heart is heavy. I am remembering the past. I am remembering my sister and I am having flashbacks of the abuse we endured together. I am also remembering my biological father – the man who never stood a chance. The man who was hated from the moment he was conceived. Some would say that he deserves no mercy. He was an abusive man, who trafficked drugs internationally using Penske trucks and stolen personal vehicles. He beat women and children and even admitted to trying to beat me out of my mother’s womb while I was still inside. His parents – my grandparents – claimed to be devout Baptists. I never believed that for a moment. I met them when I was seventeen years old and one of the first phrases out of their mouths was laden with racial slurs. They hated the fact that I had ridden the Greyhound into town and it was filled with a diverse crowd. This was in the year 2000, mind you. Not the 1950’s.

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” – Matthew 19:14

I cringe when I hear parents express delight in allowing their children to choose for themselves whether or not they want to go to church. That’s too much responsibility for a young child who isn’t even aware of what’s at stake yet. These same parents find other ways to fill their time than attend church events, then proceed to hold their heads high and say that they’re giving their children a well-rounded education. No, I’m sorry. You’re not. Kids need direction, structure, and information. These parents do as well.

Pick up a Bible and read a few pages to see what it’s all about. Start with the book of John in the New Testament, and go from there. Avoid the books such as Deuteronomy, Leviticus, and Numbers that require a little more help to digest. At least make an informed decision before you decide to walk away completely. The same can be said for people.

Look your child in the face. Look at them. Notice how small and fragile they are compared to you. Compared to the other adults in your life. What do they need? What did you need when you were that small? How could knowing Jesus – truly knowing Jesus have changed the trajectory of your life? I wish my biological father had known Him. I wish his parents had known Him (Jesus) too.

I’ve talked briefly before about the ripple effect of abuse on generations of family members. Imagine that instead of a negative ripple, being caused by abuse, there was a positive, life-changing ripple caused by knowing and embracing the love of Christ. That sounds so much better, doesn’t it? It’s my life goal that by ending the cycle of abuse in my family, a new ripple will form and affect many lives positively.

More than anything, I care about my children’s character and their walk with Christ. If they do well in school, that’s wonderful. How much of the Bible did they read today? Who did they share God’s love with? How did they spread kindness in the world around them? Whose life was made better by a simple smile today?

When I was on the fence about committing suicide, God reminded me of His everlasting love for me. Many other times, He sent people into my life to begin conversations around the fact that I was loved a whole lot more than I ever realized. I was not an easy kid to love. I was very troubled, didn’t trust anyone, and if you were an authority figure you had the distinct displeasure of hearing me rattle off every vulgar word I knew – aimed directly at you. Still, God sent His love to me every day. Those moments of loving intervention started a new ripple effect. One that felt distinctly more pleasurable than the abuse I’d been subjected to.

I wish, that during his life, I had loved my biological father more. I hope that the few times I did share the Gospel with him, he listened to me. I guess I’ll find out when I get to heaven. Hopefully, I’ll see him there.

My biological father holding my eldest child,
about 6 months after her birth.