Let me preface this by stating that I do not advocate for total police reform in any way, shape, or form. I don't believe that would be helpful for anyone involved, especially the police and taxpayers. It would do more damage to too many of those already bouncing around within the judicial system, and it would criminalize police officers who truly don't deserve that type of harsh scrutiny in the first place. What I am advocating for is more education and compassion from mental health providers and a symbiotic relationship to develop between police officers and mental health providers so that this type of situation never happens again.
Irvo Otieno was pressed to the ground in full restraints by ten people for more than ten minutes. His life was pressed out of him. There was never any hope for resuscitation - just as there should be no hope for judicial resuscitation of the ten who willingly murdered Irvo Otieno, and the hospital workers who willingly stood by, observing the murder of Mr. Otieno. It is my hope that these folks are all persecuted to the full extent of the law and receive lengthy prison sentences.
This was not a racial attack. If you'll kindly educate yourself and watch the video, you will notice that almost every person in the room with Irvo Otieno was black. There was at least one caucasian person in the room as well. This is also not a total attack on police, as I've stated above, there were hospital personnel in the room as well. At any time, any one of them could have - (and should have) spoken up about the inhumane treatment of a mental health patient.
As a teenager, I was sent to multiple mental health facilities during a mental health crisis. During my time there, I saw at least one person a week in an out-of-control mental health crisis. The medical team there was able to quickly subdue the person via a tranquilizer injection. It was a simple, swift motion in the backside - usually in the butt cheek - that subdued the patient almost immediately. Every time I saw this done, the patient was out of control and threatening to harm either themselves or the staff. It took three average-sized nurses (under 200 lbs, ranging from barely 5 feet tall to around 6 feet tall) to subdue the patient. Never did I ever see them physically harm the patient, or press their full body weight on the patient. It simply wasn't necessary.
When someone is in a full-blown mental health crisis, there is no reasoning with them in that direct moment. It's not possible. Let's consider what happens to a hurt animal when someone tries to put them into a cage. What happens? They try to attack, try to escape, and want to run away to someplace that feels safe to them, so they can calm down, regroup and develop a game plan. It's a primal response to feeling unsafe. Now, let's consider what happens when a human feels unsafe. Harvard Medical School has an excellent article regarding the stress response. ("Understanding the Stress Response", Harvard Health Publishing, Harvard Health Medical School, July 6, 2020; https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/understanding-the-stress-response) I encourage all of you to take a moment to read it.
There is another fascinating, in-depth study conducted by the National Library of Medicine that discusses physical restraint in mental health nursing. (Ye, J., Wang, C., Xiao, A., Xia, Z., Yu, L., Lin, J., Liao, Y., Xu, Y., & Zhang, Y. (2019). Physical restraint in mental health nursing: A concept analysis. International journal of nursing sciences, 6(3), 343–348. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ijnss.2019.04.002) Several great points are made within the article, such as the statement that " physical restraint must be implemented by qualified personnel" because both the patient and the personnel are subjected to "critical risks" through the process of administering restraint. Anyone who administers restraint is liable for the effects thereafter.
Within the USA, we, as a society have been advocating for bodily autonomy for decades. Physical restraint removes all hopes of bodily autonomy and places the entire livelihood of the person being restrained into the hands of the persons doing the restraining. This shouldn't be earth-shattering news, folks. It's common sense. There are actual laws and regulations against the use of restraint in the state of Virginia. Here is just one of the pages full of statutes I was able to pull up during a simple Google Search, using the terms "laws against the use of restraint in virginia state". (https://casetext.com/regulation/virginia-administrative-code/title-12-health/agency-35-department-of-behavioral-health-and-developmental-services/chapter-115-regulations-to-assure-the-rights-of-individuals-receiving-services-from-providers-licensed-funded-or-operated-by-the-department-of-behavioral/part-iii-explanation-of-individual-rights-and-provider-duties/section-12vac35-115-110-use-of-seclusion-restraint-and-time-out)
There are pages upon pages of laws and statutes all stating the same things - restraint is to be used only as necessary, for a short period of time. It's never to be used as a convenience, only as medically necessary, by trained staff. There are to be records kept with the patient's medical records regarding the use of restraint, or the reasons against using it. Restraint is never to be used solely for the purpose of pending criminal charges...and the list goes on.
Education is prevalent, relevant, and easily obtained for those who want to obtain it. Did the ten police officers who pressed the life out of Irvo Otieno want to obtain the educational materials? Were they denied the education necessary to preserve this man's life? We have to keep asking questions and asserting that the answers should always be public knowledge because we, the People are paying the price for the ignorance of those who are sworn to serve and protect us. This conversation is far from over. Let's keep talking, and more importantly, let's keep listening to those with firsthand knowledge, so we don't end up on the side of ignorance ourselves.
Stay tuned for another episode.See you next time! And remember, if you or a loved one is in danger, get help immediately, and don't stop talking until someone acts on your words.
National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800-799-7233 Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish, and 200+ through interpretation service. SMS: Text START to 88788
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 Hours: Available 24 hours. https://www.rainn.org/
988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish. https://988lifeline.org/
Death is not the end. My brain knows that. My brain loves that. On the other hand, my heart doesn't accept this. I fear the death of others to the point where I'm wholly unable to get close to someone older than me, sicker than me, or shows any sign of weakness or illness. Even if this person shows me unconditional love and friendship. I hate this about myself, and I have struggled with it all my adult years.
In the church where I grew up, funerals were the norm. There was at least one every six to eight weeks. A majority of the congregants were elderly and at the end of their lives. Death was absolutely normal for me, until it became very personal.
When I was 17, my beloved grandmother died. A few weeks later, I was sent off to summer camp because it was supposed to be a good distraction for me. It wasn't. A few years later, my sister died tragically in the same room as me. She died in her sleep, following an epileptic seizure. I didn't know until hours later when I woke up to get ready for work. Needless to say, I didn't make it to work that day. A month later, my cat died. Four months after that, another grandmother died. Three years later, I lost one twin, and then the other, twelve weeks into my first pregnancy. I would go on to suffer multiple other miscarriages after being told at age 20 that I would likely never have children, and if I ever did get pregnant, it would be very difficult for me to carry to term. That has proven true multiple times.
Recognizing that I will sabotage any relationship that is getting too close with someone who may die is one thing - actually changing my behavior is another. My behavior is deeply rooted in fear, and in order to change the behavior, I have to conquer the fear. Recognizing that God is our Creator and He numbers our days is easy to type out on paper and on the internet. Actually giving Him total control and not trying to foolishly hold onto it for myself is another thing entirely.
I once saw a popular comic where a grandson asked his grandfather what grandma was doing on a stool in the kitchen. The grandma looked worried, and was wringing her hands together. The grandfather informed the grandson that she was worrying about things, because whatever grandma worried about, never actually came to fruition. She was, essentially, protecting the family through her worry sessions.
To you, that may sound ridiculous, and I admit, I laughed heartily at the comic when I first saw it. And then it sunk it. This is me. This is how I handle life. If I worry about it beforehand, when it comes to pass, it isn't actually as bad as I thought it would be. Somehow, it seems more manageable. Until I look back and see all the other things I couldn't even acknowledge, and all the blessings I missed out on because I was so busy needlessly worrying about something that was totally out of my control.
My counselor gave me two new skills to practice this last week. I'm to work on them until our next session. The first skill is to ask myself "What can I control in this current situation?" And the second one is to ask myself "What can I not control in this current situation?" I don't like either of the questions, but I'm committed to working on asking myself these things whenever I start to worry, or find myself in a difficult situation. So far, the answers have been wholly unsatisfactory, but it has allowed me to put some emotional boundaries up regarding the things I cannot control, and even more boundaries up regarding the things I don't even have influence over.
How this pertains to relationships, I'm still working that out. I don't have control over when people die. I don't have control over how sick or how well people are. Half the time, I don't even feel like I have that control over myself. Look at the Coronavirus shitshow we just went through for the last three years. I got the vaccine and still ended up in the hospital with Covid or a variant, four times! I was wearing the damn mask, and I was socially distancing. When I needed out of the house, I went into nature - away from people. That still didn't help.
Only God knows the answers as to how and why and when people die. I'm still angry with Him for the loss of my twins. I see no good that came from that. No major life lesson, or spiritual awakening has ever come my way from losing a child. I don't understand my sister's lifelong suffering, then slipping away to Paradise in the dark of the night. I don't understand my older brother's death last June. I don't understand why my childhood friend has suffered from the rarest form of leukemia for over a decade and is now on her deathbed, according to her doctors. And I don't understand why God saved me from not just one, but four suicide attempts. Not one bit of any of that makes any sense to me. It may never. I just have to accept it somehow and move on.
Sundays have been hard for me lately. Sundays are the days when we actively walk into a house of worship and corporately worship God with our community. That has been tough to do when I'm struggling to worship Him the other six days of the week because I'm angry, confused, scared, and questioning so many of His decisions. I'm in a season of exploration and I don't really know how to effectively worship through this situation. When people fellowship, they generally ask questions about myself and my family. What do I say? "I'm angry with God. I think He made some stupid decisions and I want Him to explain Himself?" Or "I'm feeling primal right now and I want to physically release some of my aggression?" That's not appropriate. So I exhaust myself and say as little as possible, coming off as rude to others. That's also unintentional.
We have to dance such a crazy dance in order to avoid stepping on toes and crushing others' feelings. We are to consider others as better than ourselves (Philippians 2:3-11) and I understand that to an extent. I'm just not always sure how to execute it. Does that make sense?
Today, I'm very sad. I'm going to be turning 40 years in old a few short weeks. My brother is dead. I'm hoping to finally make it to his grave site for my 40th birthday. Originally, I was going to spend the weekend in NYC for the first time. I can't afford that anymore, so now I'm going with plan B. Try to see some family, and at least visit his grave for the first time, now that the snow should be cleared away for the season.
It's normal to look back on one's life and be sad, right? To look back and see all the pain, all the trauma, abuse, heartache, bad decisions, and people who are no longer with you, and just spend a little time being sad? I do see good things ahead in the future, and I see lots of pockets of joy in the past, too. I just think better times are ahead, and the past really sucked a lot of life out of me. I'm not where I thought I would be at nearly 40, and I'm wondering if I'm heading into a midlife crisis of sorts. Or maybe, I'm just rearranging, as we are all known to do at different points in our lives...
Stay tuned for another episode.See you next time! And remember, if you or a loved one is in danger, get help immediately, and don't stop talking until someone acts on your words.
National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800-799-7233 Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish, and 200+ through interpretation service. SMS: Text START to 88788
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 Hours: Available 24 hours. https://www.rainn.org/
988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish. https://988lifeline.org/
