You're so angry with the world around you that bitterness is leaking from your pores. Every time you open your mouth to speak, your words start another wildfire that will not be easy to put out. There are brief moments in time when you feel you can control yourself and others when you just speak before you think.
For most of your life, no one has listened to you. Throughout the duration of the abuse, you were telling people what was happening as it happened. Your Mother suppressed your voice, asking you to be quiet because the message you were conveying wasn't pleasant. Your grandmother asked you to be quiet about it because the message you were conveying didn't match her vision for the legacy she was creating. Your teachers asked you to be quiet because your message wasn't appropriate for other little ears. The cops asked you to be quiet because they also didn't want their secrets told.
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.
+Psalm 34:18 (ESV)
The hardest part of your healing has been to reconcile the fact that Jesus has never left you, even when you were being raped and abused. He saw everything and is angry with your rapists and your abusers. He saw everything and cried right along with you. He saw everything and walked with you through it, giving you strength when you had none. He carried you when you could barely stand on your own two feet. He will never leave you. He will never forsake you.
You have never been shamed for these horrific acts. You spent years claiming it, hiding away in a proverbial den of shame. Finally, you accepted that the shame belongs to those who committed those shameful acts, and you began to embrace freedom. Keep moving forward. It only gets better from here.
Let's Pray
Heavenly Father, I will never understand why or how people can commit such atrocious acts against others, especially defenseless children. Help us all see Your light, love, and healing, even in the darkest times. Bring that which is currently in the darkness into light and free abused people from their abusers. Bring justice to the unjust situations in life. You are always good, and You never condone evil. I love You, Lord Jesus. It's in Your Holy and precious name, I pray. Amen.
Just as Fred hugs his teddy bear, Jesus hugs you when you cry.
Stay tuned for another episode. See you next time! And remember, if you or a loved one is in danger, get help immediately, and don't stop talking until someone acts on your words.
National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800-799-7233 Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish, and 200+ through interpretation service. SMS: Text START to 88788
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 Hours: Available 24 hours. https://www.rainn.org/
988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish. https://988lifeline.org/
You have much to offer the world, yet you refuse to shine your light. I understand that you feel depressed, hopeless, and suicidal. You feel there is no hope for change and you are stuck in your current circumstances. Being a teenager is really hard. To quote Britney Spears, you're "not a girl, not yet a woman". That is a hard place to be. Yet there is power within you, waiting to be harnessed.
No one can take your faith from you. No one can steal your hope unless you allow them to. That sounds infinitely easier to say than to put into practice. It is. But you're not alone. You have the Holy Spirit, Jesus, and God the Father with you. They will never leave you, nor forsake you. They will give you the strength you need to carry on.
When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken.
+Psalm 34: 17-20 (ESV)
There will come a time in your life when you're able to look back at this time and see all that the Lord had His hand in. You'll look back, amazed at all that you survived, and you will give thanks. The way you feel right now is temporary. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. If you delete yourself from humanity today, you'll never see what your future could be. You'll never experience the freedom of adulthood. You'll be lying by saying to the world and yourself that God is not enough. He is. He absolutely is.
This photo was taken 12/27/2023. You went to NYC 04/12/2024. At the time this photo was taken, you had no idea your lifelong dream of visiting NYC would occur. This is just another example of having hope for things unseen in the future. Keep moving forward. The Lord has so many good things waiting for you!
Let's Pray
Dear Lord, I pray in Jesus' name that You would forgive me for the times I've focused more on my current circumstances than Your goodness. Sometimes I get so caught up in my feelings, that I forget the Truth. You are enough. You are everything. In You, I live and move and have my being - my reason for living. I love You, Lord. Amen.
Stay tuned for another episode. See you next time! And remember, if you or a loved one is in danger, get help immediately, and don't stop talking until someone acts on your words.
National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800-799-7233 Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish, and 200+ through interpretation service. SMS: Text START to 88788
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 Hours: Available 24 hours. https://www.rainn.org/
988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish. https://988lifeline.org/
Day 10 - You Can Do Infinitely More Than You Believe You Can
Dear teenage self,
You can do infinitely more than you believe you can. Stop allowing others to dictate your ability, worth, and level of intelligence. Teenagers will often underachieve to fit in. You were never meant to fit in. You were born to stand out, and that's not bad.
Say no when your friends ask you to hang out and do things you know you're not supposed to do. No is a complete answer. You owe them nothing else. When you're reading your Bible in the hallway, and kids walk by, making fun of you, keep reading. Don't answer their taunts. You're doing nothing wrong.
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
+2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV)
So often, you're afraid that if you say no, you won't have any more friends and will be all alone. Is that really true? Or will the bad company simply stop influencing you, and God will send His people into your life to befriend you? Do you not trust the God of the universe to provide what you need and set things right? It doesn't all fall on your shoulders, dear one.
Sometimes, you start a really big project that will benefit your present and future, but when someone questions your ability or your process, you give up and abandon the project. You do this out of fear that you are already doomed to fail. How do you know unless you complete the project? Maybe you needed this for more than just the end result. Try again.
Let's Pray
Heavenly Father, I go with the flow of those around me far too often because I am afraid of opposition. I'm afraid of being made fun of, left behind, and alone. In the midst of submitting to peer pressure, I'm sinning against You by not doing the things You have asked me to do. I am sorry, Lord. Please show me the changes I need to make in my life and open doors for new and healthier friends to come into my life. Thank You for giving me a spirit of power, love, and sound mind to do what You've called me to do. In Jesus' name, I pray. Amen.
Floor 102 of the Empire State Building. 04/14/2024 Another thing you thought you could never do, but you did.
Stay tuned for another episode. See you next time! And remember, if you or a loved one is in danger, get help immediately, and don't stop talking until someone acts on your words.
National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800-799-7233 Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish, and 200+ through interpretation service. SMS: Text START to 88788
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 Hours: Available 24 hours. https://www.rainn.org/
988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish. https://988lifeline.org/
Today is a good day. Nothing monumental is happening, but I am alive, healthy, and happy with my family. I went to the grocery store this morning, bought feed for our farm animals, and even got a hot coffee for my husband, Anthony. I have a huge pile of laundry to fold soon, and I'm looking forward to watching a silly movie while I fold the laundry.
There were years of my life where I lived in fear, and it was hard to leave the house to go to the grocery store. I was always afraid of awkward conversations, what people would think of the way I was dressed, and if I would remember everything I was supposed to buy - even with a list in hand! Fear ruled my life in so many silly ways. In fact, it ruled my life so much that I was too scared to even pick up a Bible. I was afraid the Lord was angry with me for all of my fear and anxiety, so I just avoided Him. I missed out on a lot of precious time with Him.
I sought the Lord, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.
+Psalm 34:4-5 (NIV)
When I finally learned to seek Him in the midst of whatever was going on, my life began to change for the better. My fears disappeared and I started to live more boldly. The past is behind me. The future is in front of me. I'm making new, healthier choices every day. Some days I still make mistakes, but I learn from them now instead of beating myself up repeatedly. I wish I had learned to do this years earlier, but now that I know how good it feels to focus on Jesus and the goodness of living with the Holy Spirit, I want to focus on that and keep moving forward.
Let's Pray
Lord Jesus, You are so good. You and the Father in Heaven are always looking out for me, always placing blessings before me. Even in the mundane moments of life, I am surrounded by Your goodness and Your love. I am so thankful for all of the things I am able to do that I too often take for granted. I am so grateful that You listen to me and that I am never too much for You. I can trust You with all of my emotions, big and small. I can give my fears to You and live in boldness, Truth, and love. I love You, Lord. Amen.
What it looks like when I'm working on a blog post😊
Stay tuned for another episode. See you next time! And remember, if you or a loved one is in danger, get help immediately, and don't stop talking until someone acts on your words.
National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800-799-7233 Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish, and 200+ through interpretation service. SMS: Text START to 88788
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 Hours: Available 24 hours. https://www.rainn.org/
988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish. https://988lifeline.org/
Satan is a liar. He's out to get you because you're important to God. You're having nightmares, following dreams, listening to the wind, and looking at horoscopes for meaning, but you'll never find it there. Stop looking to astrology for all of the answers to your big questions. Start looking to Jesus.
Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. +
1 Peter 5:8 (ESV)
Whenever you're near a breakthrough, Satan attacks you harder. Focus your mind on Jesus during those moments and devour the Word of God as if your heart and mind are starving. Whenever you start to doubt the path that you're on, look to Jesus and see where He is already at work. That's where you want to be.
Let's Pray
I come to You in Jesus' Holy name, Lord God in Heaven. I ask for Your guidance and comfort when I feel lost and anxious. I'm so sorry for looking elsewhere for answers. I was wrong. You are the One who holds my past, present, and future in Your competent hands. I don't need to know everything right now. I simply need to trust You. You are my King. You are on the throne. Thank You for giving me more faith to trust in You. Amen.
I just want to keep reminding you - I made it to NYC! I lived boldly. I stepped out in fear. I pushed past all of my limits and kept going. Every time I thought I could not, I prayed for strength and I DID!
Stay tuned for another episode. See you next time! And remember, if you or a loved one is in danger, get help immediately, and don't stop talking until someone acts on your words.
National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800-799-7233 Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish, and 200+ through interpretation service. SMS: Text START to 88788
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 Hours: Available 24 hours. https://www.rainn.org/
988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish. https://988lifeline.org/
Day 7 - The Music You're Listening to is Not Helping You
Dear teenage self,
The music you're listening to is not helping you. It's making you sicker. I know it sounds ridiculous, but please consider that what you put into your body and mind affects your overall health? Just like eating too many fried and sugary foods can make your stomach feel ill, listening to angry music full of bitter lyrics will make your mind feel ill. It will steal your joy and affect your thought process negatively.
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
+Romans 12:2 (ESV)
Try turning on the Christian radio, or listening to some happier music that focuses on the good things in life, such as love, friendship, overcoming obstacles, and the goodness of God. If you commit to doing this for even a week, I am certain you will agree that there is a vast difference in your attitude and your thought process.
Let's Pray
Heavenly Father, sometimes it's hard to turn off the music that all of my friends are listening to. I want to be like the other people around me and fit in. I want to understand what they're all talking about and join in the conversations, but I don't want to continue to feel this way. To feel better, I know I have to make some changes, especially in the music I listen to. Please fill me with the Holy Spirit and make me sensitive to the convictions about music, TV, and movies that are harming me spiritually. I want to be well. Thank You for bringing this to my attention. I love You, Lord. In Jesus' name, I pray. Amen.
I just want to remind you - You do get better. You do get to fulfill your dream of going to NYC, and you do eventually listen to better music that makes you feel better.
Stay tuned for another episode. See you next time! And remember, if you or a loved one is in danger, get help immediately, and don't stop talking until someone acts on your words.
National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800-799-7233 Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish, and 200+ through interpretation service. SMS: Text START to 88788
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 Hours: Available 24 hours. https://www.rainn.org/
988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish. https://988lifeline.org/
You feel hopeless, and I understand that. Right now your perspective is pretty limited, especially since you keep looking down whenever you're talking to someone. When the Pastor is preaching, you're thinking about the drama at school, how to organize your music collection, and what you're going to eat for lunch. You're not focused on anything permanent.
Brothers and sisters, think about the things that are good and worthy of praise. Think about the things that are true and honorable and right and pure and beautiful and respected. Do what you learned and received from me, what I told you, and what you saw me do.
+Philippians 4:8-9 (NCV)
To feel better, you have to choose better for yourself. You have to train and discipline your mind to focus on things from above. What is God doing? What has God already done? What do you hope He will do for you? What has He already promised you? Look outside yourself, outside your little world, and into something deeper and more profound than the latest high school gossip.
You are going to be more than okay. You will be a Mama someday and share all this wisdom with the four amazing kids you birthed from your body. That cute guy from Spanish clas? You marry him. He's their dad. So dare to dream. Dare to hope. Because life does get better. I'm living it now.
Some of my favorite moments are just being silly with my kids and making funny faces, sounds or making up goofy song lyrics. Laughter is so good for the soul. I spent years training myself not to laugh because I hated the way it sounded. Now I'm learning to laugh again - and do it often.
Let's Pray
Heavenly Father, sometimes I still feel hopeless because I forget to look to You for everything I need. Sometimes I forget that everything under the sun belongs to You. I'm sorry for doing that. I need Your Light in my life. Thank You for sending people into my life who love You and encourage me to dig deeper into Your Word and draw nearer to You. You are always good. You can always be trusted. I love You, Lord. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.
Stay tuned for another episode. See you next time! And remember, if you or a loved one is in danger, get help immediately, and don't stop talking until someone acts on your words.
National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800-799-7233 Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish, and 200+ through interpretation service. SMS: Text START to 88788
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 Hours: Available 24 hours. https://www.rainn.org/
988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish. https://988lifeline.org/
