Do It Scarred (Not a Typo)

Some will say "Do it scared" (one 'r'). I say, do it scarred. Is there any other choice when parenting while working through past trauma? You can't sit on the sidelines and let the kids raise themselves. You have to do it scarred. But you never, never, never have to do it alone. 

When my girls were little, I was always triggered by bathtime. It scared me to be around them when they were naked. It wasn't that I was afraid I would hurt them. It was that I had flashbacks of my abuser hurting me in my most vulnerable state, and I wasn't sure how to work past that. I found that if I got busy and cleaned the bathroom while they played in a small amount of water, and I allowed them to get silly and splash and tell jokes and giggle, it helped us all relax and enjoy bathtime more.

My enemy has chased me.

He has knocked me to the ground

and forces me to live in darkness like those in the grave.

I am losing all hope;

I am paralyzed with fear.

I remember the days of old.

I ponder all your great works

and think about what you have done.

I lift my hands to you in prayer.

I thirst for you as parched land thirsts for rain.

+Psalms 143:3-6 (NLT) 

When I focus on my own pain, I'm scarcely able to function. I become intolerant, short-tempered, jumpy, verbally abusive, and emotionally closed off from others. This isn't a fertile ground for parenting, so I have to be intentional about how I work around my triggers. They're not going to control me, even though they attack me, often without provocation on my part. I'm going to utilize every coping skill in my toolbox and do what I need to do, scarred. 

Scars don't remain ugly and glaringly visible all the time. As the scar heals, it tends to become a lighter shade of our natural skin color, and sometimes will almost disappear entirely, to the point where you have to really look for it to see it. That's my goal with the scars I possess. I can't pretend they're not there. I also can't claim all of them as my own doing. Some of them were inflicted by others and serve as a reminder that boundaries exist for a reason. (More on that at a later time).

 God blesses you who are hungry now,

for you will be satisfied.

God blesses you who weep now,

for in due time you will laugh.

+Luke 6:21 (NLT)

This past Sunday, I was in a lot of physical pain from a recent surgery. The pain was so bad that my eyes were tearing up. I began to pray for God to take the pain away so that I could focus on the sermon better. God's response wasn't what I expected, but it was what I needed. He replied "You don't need Me to take away the pain. You need to focus on Me, like Peter focused on Jesus when he walked on water." So I did just that. By the end of the day, my pain was completely gone. Amazing how simple the solution is, isn't it?

But Jesus spoke to them at once. “Don’t be afraid,” he said. “Take courage. I am here!”

Then Peter called to him, “Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.”

 “Yes, come,” Jesus said.

So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. “Save me, Lord!” he shouted.

Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. “You have so little faith,” Jesus said. “Why did you doubt me?”

+Matthew 14:27-31 (NLT) 

You don't really need any special tool to keep your eyes on Jesus. If you're reading this blog posting, you have a computer or a cell phone. Pull up a Bible app and read it. I suggest starting with the Gospels, or if you're really distressed, start with the Psalms. They're shorter and more easily digested when in emotional and spiritual distress. Pray about what you read. When I was healing from addiction and adultery, I would spend time praying over Proverbs 31 every day, begging God to form me into a Proverbs 31 woman. I also really like Psalms 143. Later, when you're in a good place, take a look at Psalms 104. It's my favorite. It shows how God works for the good of all His creation. My favorite verses are 21 through 23. Can you guess why? Let me know in the comments. 

For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.

+Philippians 4:13 (NLT) 

 

Me, showing off my silly Christmas earrings

Stay tuned for another episode. And remember, if you or a loved one is in danger, get help immediately, and don't stop talking until someone acts on your words.

National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800-799-7233 Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish, and 200+ through interpretation service. SMS: Text START to 88788

National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 Hours: Available 24 hours. https://www.rainn.org/

988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish. https://988lifeline.org/

In Christ alone our hope is found

Run, don't walk for help! You're worth it.