Day 19 - God Is Always Bigger

Letters to my teenage self 

A Devotional for Trauma Survivors 

Day 19 - God Is Always Bigger

Dear teenage self, 

I have seen the results firsthand of suicide. I have experienced the heartbreak every day for nearly a year now. Two of my dear friends made a suicide pact last year. One of them died, and one of them is presumed alive but nowhere to be found. My heart breaks anew each day, missing them both. 

My last words with one of them weren't kind, though, at the time, I thought I was doing the kindest thing possible by sharing the Word of God with them. The problem is that my attitude behind sharing those words was neither kind nor loving. I did not realize it until later - when it was too late. 

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary set of problems that seem too big for you or anyone else to handle. But here's what I want you to spend a long time - years if that's what it takes - ruminating on - God is bigger than all of our problems, no matter how big they appear. 

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

+Isaiah 55:8-9 (ESV)

I wish I could hug my friends again. I wish I could tell them I am sorry for the unkind words in person. I wish to thank them for being so kind and loving to my family and me. I wish I could minister to their needs. I wish all kinds of things, but none of them are likely to come to fruition. The emotions I feel surrounding the loss of my friends are complex, painful, and lasting. Suicide is not the answer. It never is. But do you know what the actual answer to all of life's problems is? 

JESUS. 

Stay tuned for another episode. See you next time! And remember, if you or a loved one is in danger, get help immediately, and don't stop talking until someone acts on your words.

National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800-799-7233 Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish, and 200+ through interpretation service. SMS: Text START to 88788

National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 Hours: Available 24 hours. https://www.rainn.org/

988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish. https://988lifeline.org/

In Christ alone our hope is found

Run, don't walk for help! You're worth it.