Pulled Into Letting Go

Monday, September 11, 2023

A Proverb A Day Keeps the Folly Away

During the month of September, I've vowed to read a chapter of Proverbs a day. As I read through the book of Proverbs, I rediscover ancient wisdom that is just as prevalant today as it was the day it was written. I'm amazed by the amount of knowledge just waiting to be put to good use. There is nothing to stop us from utilizing it in our every day life, except for unbelief, right?

Today I was hit hard by Proverbs 9:7-9 (NIV) which states "Whoever corrects a mocker invites insults; whoever rebukes the wicked incurs abuse. Do not rebuke mockers or they will hate you; rebuke the wise and they will love you. Instruct the wise and they will be wiser still; teach the righteous and they will add to their learning." This scripture reminded me of my stepfather, and I went into last week's post and edited it to add this scripture. I felt it was more poignant than the one I'd previously included.

Scripture is a double-edged sword and it can undo, heal, or explain so many years of hurt and torment. Was the problem really you? Or was it the person who chose to inflict the pain that was the problem? When should we step back and stop the relationship? Scripture can help answer all of those questions, but we must engage in the reading of scripture in order to find it.

Proverbs 1 begins with a list of all the wonderful benefits you'll gain from reading them. You'll gain wisdom and instruction, understand words of insight, gain prudence, and knowledge and discretion, to name a few! There are countless more benefits, but you'll need to do more than just take me at my word. You'll need to dig into God's Word and seek the blessings and benefits for yourself. There are 31 chapters in the book of Proverbs, and many months have 31 days in them. So you'll simply start with the corresponding chapter to the numeric date. Since the day I'm writing this is September 11, 2023, I will read Proverbs 11 today. Tomorrow I will read Proverbs 12 and so on. Perfection isn't the goal here - simply starting and gaining any level of progress is.

For the Lord gives wisdom;

from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.

-Proverbs 2:6 (NIV)

We aren't going to get very far in life simply trusting others to teach us everything we need to know. The world has very little to offer us. Even our parents fail us time and again. We have to seek wisdom at it's source. For too many years, I looked to others to tell me what to do. I felt so broken. I thought I could find answers in religion, in tradition, in secular counseling, in medicine, in books, through movies or television shows, in talking to friends, in listening to lectures and podcasts and radio shows - the list goes on. What I ultimately have found is that I never outgrow the need for the Bible, never outgrow my need for God, and that each time I read His Word, I rediscover a deeper meaning of the texts within. I mature in my faith and grow as a Christian woman, wife, and mother.

The pain inflicted upon me by my parents is now mine to fix or to roll around in like a pig in mud. I can make it my handicap or I can make it my strength, because I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength! +Philippians 4:13

Image source: https://www.flickr.com/photos/51504200@N08/51823912505

Stay tuned for another episode. See you next time! And remember, if you or a loved one is in danger, get help immediately, and don't stop talking until someone acts on your words.

National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800-799-7233 Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish, and 200+ through interpretation service. SMS: Text START to 88788

National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 Hours: Available 24 hours. https://www.rainn.org/

988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish. https://988lifeline.org/

In Christ alone our hope is found

Run, don't walk for help! You're worth it.

Friday, September 8, 2023

Narcissism Narcolepsy - Asleep at the Wheel

Narcissism. noun

excessive interest in or admiration of oneself and one's physical appearance.

Similar: vanity, self-love, self-admiration, self-adulation, self-absorption, self-obsession, conceit, self-conceit, self-centeredness, self-regard, egotism, egoism, egocentricity, egomania

Opposite: modesty, diffidence

PSYCHOLOGY

selfishness, involving a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and a need for admiration, as characterizing a personality type.

PSYCHOANALYSIS

self-centeredness arising from failure to distinguish the self from external objects, either in very young babies or as a feature of mental disorder.

(References from the Oxford Languages Dictionary)

I can't see him any other way. The most glaring attribute about my stepfather is that he is a narcissist and he greatly enjoys inflicting pain on others - until someone calls him out on his behavior. Living with him was utter hell on earth. If we did our chores, they were somehow done wrong. If we didn't do our chores, we were lazy. He didn't want us to take the initiative and fix things on our own, but he would complain about how everything was his job and that he was tired from working long hours at his job away from home. When we offered to help, he would become annoyed. We were too stupid to help, according to him.

Children were to be neither seen nor heard, yet somehow they were a blessing to be enjoyed. When the children made any noise at all, I was asked to control them. They were "clearly out of control" (to him and him alone). If the kids were excited about a free outing, like a walk to the beach just down the street, that was simply out of the question. What an exorbitant trip that was wasteful of time, money, and resources in his eyes, even though not a dollar was spent, and the only resource was our own bodily energy spent walking up and down the hill to the beach.

When he was able to play the hero, he greatly enjoyed lording that power over us. It made me feel small and scared. Often, I just wished to die. I wished the earth would just swallow me up whole and take me straight to Jesus. I felt like I was drowning, and I barely had the strength to save my kids some days. It took every ounce of strength I had to survive that hell. I can understand a little bit of my Mother's stance now. When you get broken down for so long, and so hard by the same person - one that is supposed to love and care for you - you start to just melt into a wiggly puddle of Jell-O yourself and become incapable of much else other than blind compliance. It's just easier that way.

I often wonder if my Mother had narcissism narcolepsy. She was just asleep at the wheel, dead to the world from being so exhausted by his endless bad behavior and verbal beatdowns. Was that why she abandoned us kids and continues to do so to this day? Do I have this issue as well? God, I hope not.

Scripture helps us discern whether we, and those around us are mockers or wise.