Pulled Into Letting Go

Wednesday, December 7, 2022

WORKING MOTHER OR MOTHER AT WORK?

Working mother. What does that term mean to you? I've had to assess many times what it means to me.

I've faced a lot of harsh judgments over the years for being a mother who has chosen to work only in the home. A lot of the judgment I think comes from envy. I married an incredible man who is more committed to me staying home with the children than I even am at times.

This year has been really tough financially. Anthony took nearly an $18/hour cut in pay hit when he lost his job in March. It hasn't changed much, even with his new managerial job. To be frank, his current job doesn't pay all the bills. We've needed a lot of help, and it's been humiliating to ask. So many times I've had to tell the children "no" to things they legitimately would benefit from. I've even turned down medical treatments because I couldn't afford the co-pay. Or the gas to get to the appointments.

Several people have harshly suggested I do the "right thing" and get a job to help my household. Respectfully, that's not the answer. And yes, I've talked it out with people farther up the financial food chain than myself. The overwhelming consensus is that no, that isn't a possibility. Stay the course and keep the faith. It's hard, but that's what I'm doing.

Do I share this for pity, or out of pity? No. I'm sharing because I'm angry. I'm exhausted. And I want to shed light on what some mothers deal with.

I'm raising four amazing, respectful, intelligent kids. Kids who love God, love church, love their community, respect their elders, and want to be the change the world needs. They don't dream of selfish careers. They dream of ways they can help others and they're actively looking for ways to do that now because they understand something that I think a lot of adults have forgotten - Jesus said to love everyone and to do it actively, every day.

This year has been so hard. At times it's been soul-crushing and I've spent so much time in prayer, in the Word, and in conversation with church family seeking wisdom, direction, and comfort. I've learned to trust others with the delicate, messy parts of life and do it in a way that isn't abusive, controlling, or completely chaotic. My kids are watching me closely as we go through this hard time, and they're noticing a big difference. Mama isn't falling apart. She's becoming more resilient, more loving, and less judgmental. Hmm. Looks like my work is paying off. Guess I am a working mother after all.

Stay tuned for another episode. See you next time! And remember, if you or a loved one is in danger, get help immediately, and don't stop talking until someone acts on your words.

National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800-799-7233 Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish, and 200+ through interpretation service. SMS: Text START to 88788

National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 Hours: Available 24 hours. https://www.rainn.org/

988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish. https://988lifeline.org/

In Christ alone our hope is found

Run, don't walk for help! You're worth it.

Monday, November 21, 2022

REMEMBER THE BRIDGE

Every time I am tempted to fall to pieces, something inside me says "remember the bridge". Remember walking across the bridge. Remember your look of awe as you drove across it. Remember how miraculous it was to be there, at that moment, suspended over the water, looking across the land and seeing both sides of the river at the exact same time. Remember the bridge.

It isn't a beautiful bridge. It's actually pretty old and in need of repairs. There's a lot of rust on the bridge. It isn't terribly long. There's nothing award-winning about this particular bridge, but it is ingrained in my mind as an altar - a place where I offered prayer to God. A lot of prayers, actually.

Being able to see both sides of something simultaneously is pretty miraculous. Too often we become narrow-minded and only see our preferred way as the acceptable truth. Sometimes we have to "take the high road" or "find a new perspective" to find the answer to all of life's queries. And other times, we just have to remember the place where God did the most work in us. Hence my brain reminded me to "Remember the bridge".

Myrtle Tree Bridge, Gold Beach, Oregon

God takes us places we never thought we could get to on our own. Sometimes, He prevents us from going to the very places we're convinced will bring us happiness. In those moments, we just have to trust Him. In due time, all will be revealed. It may not be in this lifetime, but it will all eventually make some sense.

I've fought being in the cities and towns that God has brought me to over the years. Always, I think I'm supposed to be somewhere else, but it's when I stop and take a long look at the area around me, the conversations happening, the growth in the local churches, and the way my children are thriving, it all begins to make some sense. It does not mean I always grow to love or even like the city or town I'm living in, but I do learn to tolerate it and listen to God more so that I may obey Him. It's in obedience that we find growth and peace.

I know we're not to focus our time on looking back, and I certainly do not encourage you to make a habit of it. There are times, though, that I think we should hold as treasured memories and recall them often as we move forward. Walking across this particular bridge, is for me, a treasured memory. It gives me strength to go forward when I feel I cannot. This bridge reminds me that for every ounce of heartache out there in the world is another pound of courage, of love, and of peace. I loved living in Gold Beach. It is the most beautiful town I've ever had the blessing of living in. I hope that someday, the Lord will allow me to return to live peacefully in the mountains there.

Can you identify a physical location where God spoke to you when you were heartbroken, or at the end of your ropes? A place you went to specifically to talk to Him and hear His response? That's a place I want to you to remember when you're feeling like you've got nothing left. Remember the strength you gained from simply stopping and talking to God in that place. And then do it. Obey Him. Do all the hard things He's asking you to do. Remember the bridge.

Stay tuned for another episode. I aim to crank out the blog posts three times a week on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. See you next time! And remember, if you or a loved one is in danger, get help immediately, and don't stop talking until someone acts on your words.