Happy November! The holidays are fast approaching. Thanksgiving is less than three weeks away, and just a month after that, we will celebrate Christmas and then the New Year. For some, this year went by quickly - others are happy to see this year come to a close and are hopeful for a new start in 2023. Wherever you stand, the fact is that the holidays are coming and they can be a source of stress for many.
Successful holidays require some planning. Every family has some sort of conflict or drama, whether it be little or big. Navigating Thanksgiving can be made a bit easier by putting a safety plan in place for those of us with anxiety, PTSD and CPTSD. I'm going to offer five tips to make the holidays go a little smoother for you.
First, make sure that you manage your expectations. We can only control our own behavior. We can guide or advise others into making healthy or different decisions, but we cannot force it. Everyone has their personal limits of what they can do, and what they absolutely cannot. That's okay. It's very human to have limits. Remember that you have them, too. When we place expectations upon others, especially unspoken ones, we are liable to become disappointed. Better to manage your expectations now, and reserve some grace for yourself and others in your life.
Secondly, evaluate how much time you are willing or able to spend with your family. Are they full of drama and set your recovery back? Then you don't need to feel bad or guilty about limiting your exposure to them. Your goal is to become healthier, not to simply please everyone else at your own expense. Be okay with setting boundaries on your time and personal space.
The third thing I want you to remember is that no matter what, you need to have a plan in place for self care. Write it down now, while you're thinking clearly and share it with your safe person. Maybe that's a spouse? Your friend? Cousin? Mom? Sibling? Whoever it is, share it with them, so that they are able to better support you. By pre-planning moments of self care into the stressful times in life, we're better able to manage our own behaviors and enjoy the season more.
One of the things I plan to do for Thanksgiving is to pre-plan my portion of the day. I know that I will be doing most of the cooking, so I'm taking the time to plan the menu, the cooking and baking times, and setting self-care opportunities in the midst of that schedule. For example, when I start dressing the turkey to go into the oven, I'm also going to prep all the similar ingredients for other dishes. Then, I'll have a gap of time in between putting the turkey in the oven and making other dishes. I'll use that time to shower, dress, and put on makeup for the day. Later, I'll take a pocket of time to spend some time alone in a quiet Bible study.
Be sure to plan too many activities to do in one day. This way, you'll have choices, and you'll feel less panicked, knowing there's a plan in place. If you do experience a panic attack, it's likely that with this plan in place, it won't be as bad as expected because you'll have a written plan in place to reference. Remember, when we're in the midst of a panic attack, we're not able to think or plan clearly. This is where a pre-written plan really comes into place and helps us shine.
Fourth, make sure to communicate clearly beforehand with everyone who is a safe person to you, and make sure that your needs and wants are also heard and met. If you have food allergies or sensitivities, make sure the host knows. If you have pet allergies, don't be afraid to speak up. If you need special accomodations for any reason, please speak up and make sure your needs are met. If you ever find yourself in a place where your needs are not being met and it's clear that it's intentional on the other person's part that they are refusing to meet your needs, be okay with leaving that situation politely and going somewhere else where you feel comfortable and safe.
Fifth and finally - every great holiday season begins and ends with a lot of prayer and thanksgiving to God. God wants to hear our anxieties. He cares deeply for us. He cares for our family, as well. Even the annoying, drama filled, anxiety causing ones. 🙂 Give thanks to God for all that is going well, and keep looking for moments to give thanks. Don't forget to pray in moments of trial. He is with you then, too. Our God is a God of absolutes, and that gives me so much peace. He never leaves us. He never forsakes us. He always loves us. He is always with us.
The holidays can be stressful, but they don't have to be so stressful that you can barely function. Take some time now to plan some boundaries, write down some ways you can keep yourself healthy, and start communicating with all the safe people in your life. You'd be surprised how many people care and want to see you succeed. And remember, I love you. More importantly - God loves you!
National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800-799-7233 Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish, and 200+ through interpretation service. SMS: Text START to 88788
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 Hours: Available 24 hours. https://www.rainn.org/
988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish. https://988lifeline.org/
In Christ alone our hope is foundRun, don't walk for help! You're worth it.
