Off and on for about 20 years, I taught Sunday School and worked with children in a church setting. I loved it, but as I increased my own family, I found myself needing a bit of a break on Sunday mornings, so I moved away from it a couple of years ago. It's been a healthy transition for me and provided the solace and rest I need on the Sabbath.
One of the things I used to teach the children around this time of the year is the importance of Easter. Yes, it's still a few months off, but hear me out. Without the sacrifice, death, and ascension of Christ, there would be no need to celebrate His birth, because He would not be Who He claimed to be during His years of ministry, or throughout the entirety of the Old Testament. He would simply be a nice man who treated people well and did some fun magic tricks. Why would we celebrate His birth over 2,000 years later if that's all He was?
Jesus has always been a forward thinker. He's always pushed us into the future and encouraged us to make choices based on who He is and who we are in Him. Looking back only serves the purpose of affirming who He is and why we should worship, love, and trust Him our whole lives. Without Easter, there would be no need for Christmas. Without Christ, there is no need for submission. And no real cause for joy in this fallen world.
And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.
-John 1:14 (ESV)
So many folks lament this time of year that "everything is so commercialized" and to a point, they are correct. I feel they're missing a lot by focusing on all the wrong aspects of the season, though. Christmas doesn't have to be about commercialism, and we don't have to allow it to consume our lives, or even annoy us. Focusing on the commercial aspect is a choice - the same as my choice to focus on Easter a little bit during Christmas time.
My kids and I did a photoshoot years ago where we laid a baby doll in a little wooden crib and knelt down in front of it. We captioned the photo "Wise Men Still Seek Him." I can't find the photo offhand, but I'll keep looking. The point is that Jesus isn't still in the manger, and He isn't still on the cross. He's also not dead. Or in the womb. Or in the tomb. He's in Heaven with His Father, God while we are here on earth, seeking Him with all our hearts, minds, and souls. He's left us the greatest gift - the Holy Spirit. By it, we have wisdom, understanding, and discernment when we read the Scriptures. What a gift!
We seek Jesus because we know there is nothing else on this earth that can ever satisfy that hole in our hearts the way God can. We were made to love Him, just as He was made to love us and teach us the true meaning of love and of sacrifice. As we choose what to focus on this holiday season, let us never forget to turn our eyes to Jesus and look to the future, embracing the joy and miracle that is the entire life and ministry of Jesus.
Stay tuned for another episode. I aim to crank out the blog posts three times a week on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. See you next time! And remember, if you or a loved one is in danger, get help immediately, and don't stop talking until someone acts on your words.
National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800-799-7233 Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish, and 200+ through interpretation service. SMS: Text START to 88788
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 Hours: Available 24 hours. https://www.rainn.org/
988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish. https://988lifeline.org/
When someone's been hurt many times, it's completely normal to second-guess everything everyone says to you. After all, your heart is rather fragile and it's not advisable to allow it to be broken again. How long should that cautiousness be in effect, though? Is there ever an expiration date to being cautious and second-guessing others' intentions?
1 John 4:1 (ESV) reminds us "Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world." I'm a firm believer in education and in boundaries, meaning I test everything to see if it is information worth retaining. If I can't find at least three credible college-level sources to back up the information, I will toss it out and forget it. That goes for the things people tell me, too.
Lately, Anthony and I have been through the wringer. It's been about 9 months of just tough stuff - one trial right after the other. Financial, emotional, relational (not our marriage - that's rock solid), and health-wise, we've been suffering quite a bit. Our church family has reached out to us a lot, and it's been very comforting. It's also been really weird. We're not used to a healthy support team. I often second-guess what people mean when they ask if I'm okay.
Ten years ago, I was an absolute mess right after I came to Christ. If I were to stand toe to toe with that woman I was then, I wouldn't recognize her and she wouldn't recognize me. We are two vastly different people on the inside. Outwardly, too in a lot of ways. God has done a miracle within me. And yet, I still wonder if others see it the way I do? The folks who are in my life now only know portions of the stories of who I was then, and a pretty clear picture of what I am going through now. I often wonder if they inquire about my well-being to gauge if I'm still the mess of a woman I was 10 years ago? Do they think I'm about to fall apart in the same ways I did then? Because I'm not...
Today, I sat down with Anthony and shared that concern with him. I was contemplating emailing my Pastor, asking him to clarify what he meant when he asked yet again if I was okay. I felt offended by the question, but I didn't want to sin, so I talked it out with Anthony first. As we talked, it became clear to me that I was misinterpreting the intent and the question. They weren't asking to see if I would fall apart. They were asking because they genuinely care for me and my family and want to help.
After so much turmoil, lies, and narcissistic and emotional abuse, it's hard to rest in or even recognize real love. It feels foreign. I don't immediately recognize it and sometimes it takes me talking it out over the coffee table with my husband to even begin to grasp the concept. Do you have that issue too? If so, I hope we both can seek God in His Word and find healing from the pain of the past so we can embrace the godly love of the future.
Stay tuned for another episode. I aim to crank out the blog posts three times a week on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. See you next time! And remember, if you or a loved one is in danger, get help immediately, and don't stop talking until someone acts on your words.
National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800-799-7233 Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish, and 200+ through interpretation service. SMS: Text START to 88788
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 Hours: Available 24 hours. https://www.rainn.org/
988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish. https://988lifeline.org/
Working mother. What does that term mean to you? I've had to assess many times what it means to me.
I've faced a lot of harsh judgments over the years for being a mother who has chosen to work only in the home. A lot of the judgment I think comes from envy. I married an incredible man who is more committed to me staying home with the children than I even am at times.
This year has been really tough financially. Anthony took nearly an $18/hour cut in pay hit when he lost his job in March. It hasn't changed much, even with his new managerial job. To be frank, his current job doesn't pay all the bills. We've needed a lot of help, and it's been humiliating to ask. So many times I've had to tell the children "no" to things they legitimately would benefit from. I've even turned down medical treatments because I couldn't afford the co-pay. Or the gas to get to the appointments.
Several people have harshly suggested I do the "right thing" and get a job to help my household. Respectfully, that's not the answer. And yes, I've talked it out with people farther up the financial food chain than myself. The overwhelming consensus is that no, that isn't a possibility. Stay the course and keep the faith. It's hard, but that's what I'm doing.
Do I share this for pity, or out of pity? No. I'm sharing because I'm angry. I'm exhausted. And I want to shed light on what some mothers deal with.
I'm raising four amazing, respectful, intelligent kids. Kids who love God, love church, love their community, respect their elders, and want to be the change the world needs. They don't dream of selfish careers. They dream of ways they can help others and they're actively looking for ways to do that now because they understand something that I think a lot of adults have forgotten - Jesus said to love everyone and to do it actively, every day.
This year has been so hard. At times it's been soul-crushing and I've spent so much time in prayer, in the Word, and in conversation with church family seeking wisdom, direction, and comfort. I've learned to trust others with the delicate, messy parts of life and do it in a way that isn't abusive, controlling, or completely chaotic. My kids are watching me closely as we go through this hard time, and they're noticing a big difference. Mama isn't falling apart. She's becoming more resilient, more loving, and less judgmental. Hmm. Looks like my work is paying off. Guess I am a working mother after all.
Stay tuned for another episode. See you next time! And remember, if you or a loved one is in danger, get help immediately, and don't stop talking until someone acts on your words.
National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800-799-7233 Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish, and 200+ through interpretation service. SMS: Text START to 88788
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 Hours: Available 24 hours. https://www.rainn.org/
988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish. https://988lifeline.org/
Every time I am tempted to fall to pieces, something inside me says "remember the bridge". Remember walking across the bridge. Remember your look of awe as you drove across it. Remember how miraculous it was to be there, at that moment, suspended over the water, looking across the land and seeing both sides of the river at the exact same time. Remember the bridge.
It isn't a beautiful bridge. It's actually pretty old and in need of repairs. There's a lot of rust on the bridge. It isn't terribly long. There's nothing award-winning about this particular bridge, but it is ingrained in my mind as an altar - a place where I offered prayer to God. A lot of prayers, actually.
Being able to see both sides of something simultaneously is pretty miraculous. Too often we become narrow-minded and only see our preferred way as the acceptable truth. Sometimes we have to "take the high road" or "find a new perspective" to find the answer to all of life's queries. And other times, we just have to remember the place where God did the most work in us. Hence my brain reminded me to "Remember the bridge".
Myrtle Tree Bridge, Gold Beach, Oregon
God takes us places we never thought we could get to on our own. Sometimes, He prevents us from going to the very places we're convinced will bring us happiness. In those moments, we just have to trust Him. In due time, all will be revealed. It may not be in this lifetime, but it will all eventually make some sense.
I've fought being in the cities and towns that God has brought me to over the years. Always, I think I'm supposed to be somewhere else, but it's when I stop and take a long look at the area around me, the conversations happening, the growth in the local churches, and the way my children are thriving, it all begins to make some sense. It does not mean I always grow to love or even like the city or town I'm living in, but I do learn to tolerate it and listen to God more so that I may obey Him. It's in obedience that we find growth and peace.
I know we're not to focus our time on looking back, and I certainly do not encourage you to make a habit of it. There are times, though, that I think we should hold as treasured memories and recall them often as we move forward. Walking across this particular bridge, is for me, a treasured memory. It gives me strength to go forward when I feel I cannot. This bridge reminds me that for every ounce of heartache out there in the world is another pound of courage, of love, and of peace. I loved living in Gold Beach. It is the most beautiful town I've ever had the blessing of living in. I hope that someday, the Lord will allow me to return to live peacefully in the mountains there.
Can you identify a physical location where God spoke to you when you were heartbroken, or at the end of your ropes? A place you went to specifically to talk to Him and hear His response? That's a place I want to you to remember when you're feeling like you've got nothing left. Remember the strength you gained from simply stopping and talking to God in that place. And then do it. Obey Him. Do all the hard things He's asking you to do. Remember the bridge.
Stay tuned for another episode. I aim to crank out the blog posts three times a week on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. See you next time! And remember, if you or a loved one is in danger, get help immediately, and don't stop talking until someone acts on your words.
National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800-799-7233 Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish, and 200+ through interpretation service. SMS: Text START to 88788
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 Hours: Available 24 hours. https://www.rainn.org/
988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish. https://988lifeline.org/
It's almost Thanksgiving. I haven't posted in a while. It's not because I didn't have anything to say, or want to say. It's because I needed to be quiet and let God speak to me. I'd been moving at a speed faster than my prayers could fly. It was time to slow down a moment and let life sink in. Also, my kids were sick and now I'm sick. This morning I had a bad headache, I thought I would throw up. Not fun.
The holidays can be a hard time for so many, but why? Why do they need to be hard, when it's supposed to be such a joyful time? Are we simply overcomplicating things, or is there more to it? Something God's been working on in me is to be a more loving person and to do things out of love, not obligation. I had to stop and ask myself - was I posting on this blog out of love, or obligation? Was I running myself ragged in my personal life out of love or obligation?
Cutting my toxic family out of my life has been really hard. Frankly, it's one of the most difficult decisions I've ever had to make, and carrying through with it has been even more difficult. I can see the blessings that have come from it already, though. I can see how great this is going to be for me long term and I can already see how wonderful it's been for my children. They are healing and flourishing.
Take time to stop and just enjoy the view.
Today, while I was laid low with a debilitating headache, so many things became clear to me as I opened my heart and cried out to God. Sometimes illness can be a blessing. It forces us to come to a complete stop and focus on what really matters - our relationship with Jesus. My life isn't great because I can write well or inspire others with my story. My life isn't great because my kids are awesome human beings. My life isn't great because I married the most handsome, sexiest man in the world. My life is great because Jesus is in every moment of it and He loves me beyond measure. My life is great because God is great. Why did I overcomplicate that by trying to add in so many things that I didn't have time for Him?
I can't tell you what to do, who to love, or how to heal. All I can do is point you to Jesus and share my own story. My ups and downs, faults and weaknesses, and strengths that come as a result of my belief in Jesus Christ and His sacrifice at Calvary. There is no love greater than Jesus' and no healing greater than that which comes from Him. What I can tell you is that I wish I had cut my toxic family out sooner. I wish I had spent more time in the Word with Jesus. I wish I had loved myself and others more and I wish I had focused more time on my children when they were little. There is never enough time in this life, so we have to make the most of it while we can. Life is too short to be overcomplicating our blessings.
The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace. Numbers 6:24-26 (ESV)
Stay tuned for another episode. I aim to crank out the blog posts three times a week on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. See you next time! And remember, if you or a loved one is in danger, get help immediately, and don't stop talking until someone acts on your words.
National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800-799-7233 Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish, and 200+ through interpretation service. SMS: Text START to 88788
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 Hours: Available 24 hours. https://www.rainn.org/
988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish. https://988lifeline.org/
You're busy. I'm busy. It's FRI-YAY! We all have things to do. I get that. I respect that. I'm going to reiterate a post from earlier where I gave you five simple tips to remember during the holidays. Ready for it? Here it is.
Manage Expectations. You can only control yourself. Everyone else is responsible for their own behaviors, attitudes, habits, and actions.
Set healthy boundaries. Know your limits and set healthy boundaries.
Self-care. Have a list ready to go of all the ways you can prevent, combat and/or navigate through holiday anxiety before it sets in.
Communicate clearly. Have food allergies? Let the host know. The biggest misconception about communication is that it has already occurred. Make it happen.
Prayer. Begin, end, and center your day around prayer, supplication, and thanksgiving. God first, y'all!
That's it! Have an awesome day and remember - I love you, but more importantly - God loves you! Happy Veteran's Day to all of our National Treasures!
HAPPY VETERAN'S DAY!
THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE!
Stay tuned for another episode. I aim to crank out the blog posts three times a week on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. See you next time! And remember, if you or a loved one is in danger, get help immediately, and don't stop talking until someone acts on your words.
National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800-799-7233 Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish, and 200+ through interpretation service. SMS: Text START to 88788
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 Hours: Available 24 hours. https://www.rainn.org/
988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish. https://988lifeline.org/
Is the wind blowing hard, fast and cold where you're at, too? Brr. Baby, it's cold outside! Hopefully, it's not cold inside your home, too. Or your heart. It can be so easy to turn cold and isolate ourselves during the holiday season. The crowds are insane. It's even difficult to navigate the grocery store these days. Every rainy day, folks run to the grocery store, supermarkets, department stores - you name it. It can be really overwhelming to just get through a typical outing. So what do we do about that?
My primary concern when crowds are an issue is finding my safe person or location. I need an "out" at all times, or I will feel trapped and overwhelmed. What does an animal do when they're feeling trapped? They panic, become physically aggressive, and do whatever it takes to try to free themselves. We are not wild animals, though.
For the Holy Spirit, God’s gift, does not want you to be afraid of people, but to be wise and strong, and to love them and enjoy being with them. -2 Timothy 1:7 (TLB)
When we make prayer our primary habit for the day, we will see an increase in our healing. I know that I sound like a broken record when I consistently remind you to read your Bible and to pray, but it's because I know for a fact that it really does work better than anything else. Exposing ourselves to the healing power of God's Holy, perfect, infallible, inerrant Word is absolutely the best medicine there is. Couple that with prayer, and you'll find yourself moving mountains before long. (This isn't to say that you may not still require traditional medicine! I'm simply saying to put God first, and then go forward for the most effective healing).
God did not give us a spirit that makes us afraid but a spirit of power and love and self-control. -2Timothy 1:7 (NCV)
There are so many things we need or want to do during the holidays, but having a panic attack surely isn't one of them. With a little planning, some talk therapy (with a licensed counselor, clergy, trusted family member or friend), and a whole lot of Jesus, I believe we will all be better off and more prepared for whatever life throws at us.
For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. -2 Timothy 1:7 (NIVUK)
Memorizing scripture can also be helpful. I remember the agonizing week I was in labor and trying to deliver (naturally) my fourth baby. I was so determined not to undergo a fourth cesarean. I memorized Isaiah 26:3 (NIV) which states " You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you." I did not get my natural delivery, but I did recite that verse all throughout my cesarean. It was the best one I'd ever had and I still have wonderful memories of it, even though for the two obstetricians, it was an absolute nightmare and I nearly died on the table. God kept me in perfect peace (maybe because they both spoke Russian the entire time? 🤣).
for God did not give us a spirit of cowardice, but rather a spirit of power and of love and of self-discipline. -2 Timothy 1:7 (NRSVA)
For you - and everyone who is hurting this holiday season, I wish you peace, comfort, and love. I wish for moist turkeys, pillowy mounds of mashed potatoes, delicious green bean casserole (my favorite), and sweet pies a la mode. I wish for you - and I pray for you to grow closer to Christ, grow in love and grace and, to have the strength to share His Word with those who need to know Him.
Also, pick some of these up the next time you're grocery shopping. YUM!
Stay tuned for another episode. I aim to crank out the blog posts three times a week on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. See you next time! And remember, if you or a loved one is in danger, get help immediately, and don't stop talking until someone acts on your words.
National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800-799-7233 Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish, and 200+ through interpretation service. SMS: Text START to 88788
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 Hours: Available 24 hours. https://www.rainn.org/
988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish. https://988lifeline.org/
Happy November! The holidays are fast approaching. Thanksgiving is less than three weeks away, and just a month after that, we will celebrate Christmas and then the New Year. For some, this year went by quickly - others are happy to see this year come to a close and are hopeful for a new start in 2023. Wherever you stand, the fact is that the holidays are coming and they can be a source of stress for many.
Successful holidays require some planning. Every family has some sort of conflict or drama, whether it be little or big. Navigating Thanksgiving can be made a bit easier by putting a safety plan in place for those of us with anxiety, PTSD and CPTSD. I'm going to offer five tips to make the holidays go a little smoother for you.
First, make sure that you manage your expectations. We can only control our own behavior. We can guide or advise others into making healthy or different decisions, but we cannot force it. Everyone has their personal limits of what they can do, and what they absolutely cannot. That's okay. It's very human to have limits. Remember that you have them, too. When we place expectations upon others, especially unspoken ones, we are liable to become disappointed. Better to manage your expectations now, and reserve some grace for yourself and others in your life.
Secondly, evaluate how much time you are willing or able to spend with your family. Are they full of drama and set your recovery back? Then you don't need to feel bad or guilty about limiting your exposure to them. Your goal is to become healthier, not to simply please everyone else at your own expense. Be okay with setting boundaries on your time and personal space.
The third thing I want you to remember is that no matter what, you need to have a plan in place for self care. Write it down now, while you're thinking clearly and share it with your safe person. Maybe that's a spouse? Your friend? Cousin? Mom? Sibling? Whoever it is, share it with them, so that they are able to better support you. By pre-planning moments of self care into the stressful times in life, we're better able to manage our own behaviors and enjoy the season more.
One of the things I plan to do for Thanksgiving is to pre-plan my portion of the day. I know that I will be doing most of the cooking, so I'm taking the time to plan the menu, the cooking and baking times, and setting self-care opportunities in the midst of that schedule. For example, when I start dressing the turkey to go into the oven, I'm also going to prep all the similar ingredients for other dishes. Then, I'll have a gap of time in between putting the turkey in the oven and making other dishes. I'll use that time to shower, dress, and put on makeup for the day. Later, I'll take a pocket of time to spend some time alone in a quiet Bible study.
Be sure to plan too many activities to do in one day. This way, you'll have choices, and you'll feel less panicked, knowing there's a plan in place. If you do experience a panic attack, it's likely that with this plan in place, it won't be as bad as expected because you'll have a written plan in place to reference. Remember, when we're in the midst of a panic attack, we're not able to think or plan clearly. This is where a pre-written plan really comes into place and helps us shine.
Fourth, make sure to communicate clearly beforehand with everyone who is a safe person to you, and make sure that your needs and wants are also heard and met. If you have food allergies or sensitivities, make sure the host knows. If you have pet allergies, don't be afraid to speak up. If you need special accomodations for any reason, please speak up and make sure your needs are met. If you ever find yourself in a place where your needs are not being met and it's clear that it's intentional on the other person's part that they are refusing to meet your needs, be okay with leaving that situation politely and going somewhere else where you feel comfortable and safe.
Fifth and finally - every great holiday season begins and ends with a lot of prayer and thanksgiving to God. God wants to hear our anxieties. He cares deeply for us. He cares for our family, as well. Even the annoying, drama filled, anxiety causing ones. 🙂 Give thanks to God for all that is going well, and keep looking for moments to give thanks. Don't forget to pray in moments of trial. He is with you then, too. Our God is a God of absolutes, and that gives me so much peace. He never leaves us. He never forsakes us. He always loves us. He is always with us.
The holidays can be stressful, but they don't have to be so stressful that you can barely function. Take some time now to plan some boundaries, write down some ways you can keep yourself healthy, and start communicating with all the safe people in your life. You'd be surprised how many people care and want to see you succeed. And remember, I love you. More importantly - God loves you!
Stay tuned for another episode. I aim to crank out the blog posts three times a week on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. See you next time! And remember, if you or a loved one is in danger, get help immediately, and don't stop talking until someone acts on your words.
National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800-799-7233 Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish, and 200+ through interpretation service. SMS: Text START to 88788
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 Hours: Available 24 hours. https://www.rainn.org/
988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish. https://988lifeline.org/
RUN! My brain screams "RUN!" at me a lot when I'm in conflict. The instant I feel uncomfortable in a situation, I desire to run away and isolate myself. If I'm unable to do so for some reason, my backup plan is to sabotage every relationship, burn every bridge possible and drown all hope for reconciliation as fast as I can. Basically, set off an emotional nuclear bomb and then run away. Don't look back. Just run.
Knowing that the aforementioned behavior is unhealthy, I do make great strides to walk closely with Jesus and share these instincts with Him. I know that He alone can provide the strength I need to stay and see conflict through. Does it feel "icky" and difficult? Oh, you betcha! It's not my strong suit to see difficult things through to the end. I like to run. Running is totally comfortable for me. Until it isn't anymore.
There are more cycles than just the cycle of abuse that I need to heal from. As mentioned, I have an unhealthy cycle of running away just when the healing in another area begins. You may be thinking "ah, a chink in her armor!" And for the most part, you're right. I have a lot of chinks in my armor, but fortunately, my weaknesses are made strong in Christ.
Financially, I cannot run this time around when I hit conflict. It's been good for me to be forced to stay right where I am and not be able to pick up and move. It doesn't feel good right now, for sure. I hate big city living. Hate it with a passion. But...I do trust that God brought me here for a reason and I need to see it through.
When I cannot run, or I am not able to run yet my brain does something else to "protect" me. It brings up all the memories from the last time I was truly happy and convinces me that if I were just to go back to that place, I would again experience the same amount of happiness now that I felt back then. The place where I was the happiest was in a tiny town in Washington that had 158 residents. Actually, I believe at the time I lived there, it was closer to 100. It's grown a bit. I thrive in tiny town living. But my husband and kids don't.
My Pastor reminded me this week that as Christians, so often we have to set aside our personal preferences for the needs of the whole. As a Mama, I feel like I already do so much of that. When he said that to me, I wanted to run again and find a new church. He wasn't wrong, though. I was. I am. Selfishness rears its' ugly head a lot in motherhood. God wasn't kidding when He said "Women, however, will be saved through childbearing, if they continue in faith, love, and holiness, with self-control." in 1 Timothy 2:15
We can't run when we're in conflict, no matter how hard it is to remain where we are. We have to learn to sit with big feelings and untangle the web of lies that the enemy is throwing at us. If we fail to do this, we fail to thrive. We let ourselves down most of all, and accept defeat. That's not necessary because we're never in this thing called life alone. Remember, God is always with us. He's a God of absolutes. He never leaves us. Never forsakes us. Always loves us.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. -Philippians 4:13 (NKJV)
Stay tuned for another episode. I aim to crank out the blog posts three times a week on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. See you next time! And remember, if you or a loved one is in danger, get help immediately, and don't stop talking until someone acts on your words.
National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800-799-7233 Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish, and 200+ through interpretation service. SMS: Text START to 88788
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 Hours: Available 24 hours. https://www.rainn.org/
988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish. https://988lifeline.org/
Pornography and sexual abuse generally go hand in hand. As a child, I was subjected to pornography and had it readily available to me almost at all times. The urge to look at it became nearly impossible to ignore, and I succumbed to the sin of lust at a very young age. The invention and progression of the internet made viewing porn even easier. In the early to mid '90s there weren't the same protections for kids on the internet. Looking at pornography was as easy as logging into Yahoo! chat rooms and saying "hello" to a complete stranger. Sex was everywhere, all the time.
Child pornography was a new concept to me, and I have always been disgusted by the idea of it. It's as vile to me as the flashbacks of my own abuse. I don't understand it. I don't ever want to see it. I have never seen it. Thank God. I wish I had never seen even one pornographic image in my life. They're extremely difficult to forget. Something about sin burns itself into my brain and I have a hard time shaking it permanently. That's where God comes in.
Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. -Galatians 5:19-24 (ESV)
God can and will deliver us from temptation and cleanse our hearts and minds when we ask Him to. Especially when we are doing so to please Him and live according to His Word.
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. -Romans 12:2 (ESV)
When I accept that God has a better plan for my life, then I can make better choices. Thankfully, I did save myself for marriage, as much as was in my own power to do so (abuse aside). In doing so, I opened up the blessings and joy that is uniting with one partner that I will be with for the rest of my life. The first few months of marriage were so sweet, and I will always look back on them with fondness.
If you've partaken in the sin of pornography, first of all, I want you to know that you're not alone. Secondly, you should know that you're never too far down the path of darkness to turn around and run back to the arms of God. He's not mad at you. He's saddened by your choices because they're not His best plan for you, but He isn't angry or unwilling to work with you to turn things around. Third, there isn't any such thing as "too far gone" to be saved. Read Luke 15:11-32. Perhaps that will help change your perspective?
A book I want to recommend to everyone who is tempted by the sin of pornography or even adultery is Free Indeed: Who The Son Sets Free by Jeremiah Weiland. In it, Jeremiah points us back to the Gospel, back to God's Word, and the initial intent behind the creation of sex. It's a fantastic book and I cannot say enough good things about Jeremiah or this book.
Stay tuned for another episode. I aim to crank out the blog posts three times a week on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. See you next time! And remember, if you or a loved one is in danger, get help immediately, and don't stop talking until someone acts on your words.
National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800-799-7233 Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish, and 200+ through interpretation service. SMS: Text START to 88788
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 Hours: Available 24 hours. https://www.rainn.org/
988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish. https://988lifeline.org/
Do you find it hard to be nice to people? I do. I find it hard to trust that what people are saying is true, as well. Even when faced with facts, I still tend to look for the cracks in whatever statement folks make. I've been lied to so much that it's almost second nature to discount every word most folks say. Is that God-honoring? No, it's not. It's something I'm continually in need of working on.
There's a group of women at my son's preschool who talk amongst themselves at pickup and drop-off. They seem to be friends, or at least know each other from somewhere else. From day one, it's made me very jealous. I'm new to this town and don't know many people. Despite my repeated attempts to locate a friend group, I've been largely unsuccessful. Sure, there are a lot of folks with whom I'm friendly and talk weekly, especially at church, but I've not found anyone yet with whom I can regularly discuss life events or attend events with. It's sad and lonely and I've allowed this fact to make me bitter, instead of better.
God knows my heart. He knows yours, too. He knows all the struggles we have had, are having, and will ever have and He has spoken about them at great length. There is a message within scripture for every situation, and every season we will go through in life.
See to it that no one falls short of God’s grace; that no root of resentment springs up and causes trouble, and by it many be defiled; - Hebrews 12:15 (AMP)
This piece of scripture has caused me so much grief over the last few months. It's like a lance in a boil. It's annoying and painful, but purposeful. If I remove the lance, I'll fester up and become septic, allowing the infection to spread to other areas. But if I allow the lance to drain the infection - the bitterness within me so that Jesus can clean my heart and make it new, I will be healed. Is this a gross description of sin? Yes. As well it should be. Sin is disgusting and it only harms us from the inside out. We have to drain it. Remove it. Extract it. Expose it to the Light.
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man has great power to prevail. -James 5:16 (BSB)
So often, we want to try to hide away the parts of ourselves that are not pretty or pleasing to others. Like Adam and Eve, we try to strategically place fig leaves to hide our nakedness from God and from each other. God has already made it clear that He's not mad at us. He understands our sins and He wants us to come to Him so that we can receive His love and in that glow of His love and mercy, make new and better choices. When we sin, we hurt ourselves and we separate ourselves from God's love. That's not what is best for us and God knows that. That's why He sent Jesus to not only atone for our sins but to assure us that we are deeply, profoundly, and eternally loved.
When we accept the fact that God loves us and wants the absolute best for us, then we are able to open our eyes to even more truth and opportunity for growth. Consider the words in Mark 10:15 "Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."Why do you think God said that? What do children do that adults tend not to do? When you let the answer to those questions resonate within your heart for a while and really ruminate on them, you'll begin to recognize the changes you need to make in your own life. I know that I'm personally going to sit with these big feelings and ruminate on that today as well.
Stay tuned for another episode. I aim to crank out the blog posts three times a week on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. See you next time! And remember, if you or a loved one is in danger, get help immediately, and don't stop talking until someone acts on your words.
National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800-799-7233 Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish, and 200+ through interpretation service. SMS: Text START to 88788
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 Hours: Available 24 hours. https://www.rainn.org/
988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish. https://988lifeline.org/
In every treasure chest, there is one key jewel that everyone looks for. It is more valuable than all the rest. In many tales of treasure lost and found, it is a specific piece or set of pieces that will unlock a secret that's long been waiting to be exposed. Sometimes the jewel is a shiny emerald or diamond, whose value is indeterminable, yet will allow for the purchase of freedom from slavery of some sort. In Christianity, our treasure is in Heaven. His name is Jesus.
Jesus is the most important, most valuable treasure in all the universe. He transcends time and space, there is no earthly value to be placed upon His head (though Judas Iscariot tried and failed, with a mere 30 pieces of silver). Knowing Jesus frees us from all slavery here on earth. Our hearts no longer belong to an earthly master, but to a good, pure, loving, merciful, all-knowing Creator - God.
There is absolutely nothing on this earth that can break us eternally, aside from shutting out God and denying His gift of Salvation. That choice lies entirely upon us, though. We can be presented with the Gospel many times and it is always up to us as to whether or not we answer the call to Salvation. As annoying as the song is, Paula Cole's "I Don't Want to Wait" is a good reminder to come to Salvation now. The hook goes like this: I don't want to wait for our lives to be over. I want to know right now. What will it be?"
Judgment day is too late. You have to make the choice now, while you're still alive and there is time left to enjoy the gift of His Salvation. The world is hurting. You're hurting. I'm hurting. We're all in some sort of pain. We're all searching for something, but the world does not possess the answer. I've looked for it in the bottom of a bottle of vodka, tequila, beer, wine, bourbon...you name it. It wasn't there. I've looked for it in the eyes of my children, my husband, and unnamed "lovers"...it wasn't there. It wasn't in a bottle of pills, in chasing a thrill, or even in an inspirational book, like One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. It wasn't until I heard and understood the joy of the name Jesus that I found it. I found freedom, healing, comfort, companionship, joy, peace, and Salvation.
We won't live forever. Our children won't live forever. There will come a day when we'll take our last breath and our souls will leave this earth forever. It's our choice, not God's, as to where we're headed next. We can spend eternity in Heaven with Him, or in Hell without Him. There is no escape from either. In Heaven, we'll have no desire to be anywhere else. In Hell, we'll beg and plead, but there is no way out - just eternal suffering, worse than anything we've experienced here on earth.
One of the saddest comments I've ever heard someone make is that "Only God can judge me". This is usually said while someone is unapologetically amid sin, in the midst of heartbreak, and searching for some sort of meaning in their lives, in all the wrong places. A downward spiral is already in effect, yet they are completely oblivious to this fact. Christians may attempt to step in and help. Some are probably effective at chipping away at the outer layer, but most will attempt, in a callous, arrogant way to "help" by pointing out all the ways in which the person is at fault for their own downfall. What they fail to recognize is that at the heart of the matter is a very broken, traumatized individual who is crying out for love and acceptance in the only way they know how. Will we choose to respond as Jesus would? Or will we be like the Pharisee or the tax collector in Luke 18:10-14 (NABRE)
“Two people went up to the temple area to pray; one was a Pharisee and the other was a tax collector. The Pharisee took up his position and spoke this prayer to himself, ‘O God, I thank you that I am not like the rest of humanity—greedy, dishonest, adulterous—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week, and I pay tithes on my whole income.’ But the tax collector stood off at a distance and would not even raise his eyes to heaven but beat his breast and prayed, ‘O God, be merciful to me a sinner.’ I tell you, the latter went home justified, not the former; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and the one who humbles himself will be exalted.”
God does not use self-righteous men and women to change the world for the better. Look at history. Who does God use? He chose David, the smallest and youngest boy in the family to be the greatest earthly, human king the world has ever known. God chose Gideon, a scared fool to fight the Midianites. Moses, who stumbled in his speech was called to speak to Pharaoh to free the Israelites from slavery. God chose you, broken-hearted child, to make a difference in your own community. Your own family. Your own neighborhood. Your own household. He's giving you the strength right now to stand up for Him. To uncover the most precious jewel you'll ever possess - Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.
Instead, God chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose things that are powerless to shame those who are powerful. -1 Corinthians 1:27 (NLT)
You're absolutely right. You don't have the skills right at this moment to do all the things God is asking you to do. But you will. If you step out in faith, God will meet you exactly where you are and He will provide all that you need to do all that He is asking you to do. Will you heed the call? And will you help others to find the most precious jewel, or will you keep it a secret all to yourself? Something this amazing was never meant to be hidden away but to be shared with all people everywhere.
Stay tuned for another episode. I aim to crank out the blog posts three times a week on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. See you next time! And remember, if you or a loved one is in danger, get help immediately, and don't stop talking until someone acts on your words.
National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800-799-7233 Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish, and 200+ through interpretation service. SMS: Text START to 88788
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 Hours: Available 24 hours. https://www.rainn.org/
988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish. https://988lifeline.org/
The whole world is hurting in some way. The pain runs so deep. Far too many people are searching for something to fulfill them and falling short of finding it because they're not even sure what it is they're looking for. We have smug Christians, like me (yes, I am guilty) looking down on the secular world and wondering what is wrong with them. What is wrong with the secular world? They don't have Jesus. We haven't been very good about bringing the Good News in a good way to them.
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,
-Romans 3:23 (ESV)
Why is this important? Isn't this supposed to be a blog about healing from sexual trauma? Absolutely, it is. What have I said time and again? Full healing comes from Christ. Where does pain come from? The world. Sin. Satan is running amok with his merry band of demons, working like mad to turn us all away from Christ. The root of all our pain is sin. Ours and the sins committed against us, which are ultimately sins against God. We need Jesus. The world needs Jesus.
He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” -Revelation 21:4
So how do we bring Jesus to the world? First, we heal. We dig into our Bibles like it's our last meal and we need to devour every morsel. We pray, fervently. We pray for our healing, for our abusers, for those who are helping us along in our journey, and for our Pastors and the clergy at our church. We pray for our Salvation and the salvation of others. And we never stop. When we see someone in pain, we pray. When we see something good, pure, and beautiful, we pray. When we're thankful, we pray. Whatever we're doing, we pray. Invite God into every moment of life.
Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. -1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (ESV)
I have a chronic issue called Ehlers-Danlos Syndromewhich is inherited from my parents. It's very painful and I have a lot of flare-ups that cause extreme pain and sometimes immobility in parts of my body for days at a time. It's easy to get discouraged when I have a flare-up because the pain is so great, I can easily relate it to the pain of childbirth. This week, the Lord reminded me of a young boy in my church who has asthma and has been having a lot of trouble breathing with the constant smoke in the air from Oregon wildfires. The Lord gently chided me, reminding me that if that sweet young boy can remain joyful in the face of a chronic illness, so can I.
One of the things I did this week while in pain was to organize my seed collection. Gardening is a hobby that brings me immense joy and I can do aspects of it, like organizing seeds, even while in pain.
There are many intricacies to healing. It's not one size fits all, aside from a universal need for Jesus. No one's journey is going to look exactly like someone else's and that's okay. For me to heal, I have to accept that I have a chronic issue that causes me to lose control of my own body sometimes. That's hard to take. I was very angry this week because I felt like I was losing control of everything, but that wasn't really true. What was true is that Jesus held me in His hands while I healed from a flare-up. He allowed me downtime to read my Bible more and to pray.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. -Proverbs 3:5 (ESV)
I'm sharing all of this with you because I never want to dissuade you from sharing your true selves with your care team - whatever that looks like for you. In being transparent with each other, we can lift each other up and empower one another to face our issues head-on and find true and lasting healing. There is no good to come from keeping the truth in the dark. The devil will use that and run with it. Remember, all darkness, no matter how small and insignificant it may seem, needs to be exposed to the Light. This is how we find true healing in Jesus Christ.
“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord...The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? -Jeremiah 17:7,9 (ESV)
God understands us. He made us. He knows us. He sees us. He hears us. He is always with us. And He asks that we share His Word, share the news of His healing, and encourage others with the same encouragement that has been given to us. I love you. But more importantly, God loves you.
Stay tuned for another episode. I aim to crank out the blog posts three times a week on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. See you next time! And remember, if you or a loved one is in danger, get help immediately, and don't stop talking until someone acts on your words.
National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800-799-7233 Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish, and 200+ through interpretation service. SMS: Text START to 88788
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 Hours: Available 24 hours. https://www.rainn.org/
988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish. https://988lifeline.org/
